A word to The Wise, will always be listened to
by ko torii
Summary: A selection of poetry surrounding the life and relationships of one person. Completely miscellaneous!  Don't forget to enjoy!
1. The Beginnings

Here my words can only have place in your mind and in print. They are not meant to persuade or in any way to infect your thoughts. Connected only through my soul and my pen name; to these pages I will always return again. May it bring reflection to any who find it, as writing has always served for myself. In this action I shall be henceforth satisfied. All that follows is not to create love, pity or even to be emotionally noted unless you choose to reflect it unto yourself.

As a girl I never understood the concept of a Worry Stone. How could one person fit such overflowing emotion into such a small stone? In response my mother said only this, "When faced with a bigger emotion, you must find a bigger stone." These pages are to serve as my Worry Stone, my dream catcher. No strife from these memories remains with me. So I thank you, for simply enjoying the words I put forward here. This is to be my disclaimer.


	2. I Heard You

"I Heard You." also included in "_You and Me and What We Could Be._"

I can hear you grumbling from here

And I'm miles away by now

I got so used to my own "shortcomings." 

You told me everyday, I only drown them out.

It surprised the hell outta me, 

When I heard that you were missing me.

I up and left that day. 

Gave you no time to shout out "Stay!"

I doubted you'd do it anyway.

I can hear your grumbling from here, 

And I'm days away by now.

Your idea of romance was liquor and loud music. 

At one time, it had me like putty in your hands.

But your apathetic ignorance lost its charm months ago.

I cried for days over this; don't treat it like some game.

I'm free from you. 

Free to be my own me.

No shadows across my face in this light,

Only stars shining bright above me.

So it surprised the hell outta me. 

When you tracked me down one day.

Not to say you loved me and you wish I hadn't gone. 

No. You yelled about the car I borrowed! I swear I'd have paid you back some day.

So when you walked straight up to me. 

You were sayin' nothing that I was willing to hear.

It's disturbing me how much I missed you.

I must be going crazy thinking this.

Seeing you in front of me, just simply made my day. 

What you're saying didn't matter anyway.

It's what you did that always had me reeling.

You could always take my breath away.

It's not so shocking anymore. 

So should I be surprised that I let you back in my door?

I finally took the time to hear what you say.

You really missed the way I smile each day. 

Even when I had no reason to be that way.

I was your eternal optimist,

That always ran away.

You took me in your arms. 

Where I'd been longing to be.

You finally looked my right in the eye.

And said absolutely nothing to me.

Kissing me, kissing you. 

All these silly things we do.

I think they're worth it to go through.

Now that you can finally tell me, "I love you."

And I finally heard you.

Ko Torii


	3. You only think this is about you

You Only Think This Is About You (Kiss Me):

It was dark and we were dancing

Hot blood, loud music, bold hearts

You got me reminiscing

And I know I made you jump-start.

You were looking at me like before

Such big eyes for such a little me…Ha!

We were dancing, but you wanted more

And I wanted to do something for me

It's so fun to lose your head

But can you find it when the beat stops?

Forget about the circumstances, kiss me, kiss me.

Right now is all that matters is that you keep dancing

And kiss the hell outta me.

Ooh-hoo…fuck it, kiss me.

The beat turned to the pulse in my hand

Hot flesh, hot touch, wet shirts

You thought I wanted only half a man

I wanted you to know how it hurts

Pop! I blew your mind just like a balloon

I was moving and you were going insane

Admit it, boy; I seduced you

You started kissing my neck as I went to your brain

It's so fun to lose your head

But can you find it when the beat stops?

Forget about the circumstances, kiss me, kiss me.

Right now is all that matters is that you keep dancing

And kiss the hell outta me.

Woah, no no no.

Don't play the "love" card.

I'm not a retard.

I'm in it to win it, it's all or nothing but

Right now, turn around

This is my night on the town

Kiss me, you dumb shit

Tonight's your one night to kiss me, kiss me

Right now all that matters is that you just keep on

Kissing the hell outta me

Ooh-ho, fuckin kiss me now.

NEWS FLASH This poem was not written by me, but by my dear friend about a situation I explained to her. So I included it anyhow.NEWSFLASH


	4. My Blood Bleeds Blue

You Made my Blood Bleed Blue:

I'm head over heels for you. Or at least as close as I think I've come.

I think lying about it would just be stupid.

'Cause we both know,

Hell everyone who's anyone knows,

That it's really true.

So here I am I think in love; in pain.

You're sending all these messages,

But you're actions say they're all lies.

I keep telling' myself, "It'd be worth it again."

I'm giving you the chances,

You promised me you'd take.

I've never put myself out there before.

And if this is what it feels like, I'd call it one big waste.

I love you more than I ever wanted, I promised I wouldn't get attached.

But it scares me still.

You know I don't do well with commitment you loser.

So don't go blaming this on me.

Just please give me a fucking reason,

That I should still try to care.

I tried giving space, and an ultimatum.

And you're still acting unaware.

The only answer I ever get;

Is, "I love you." Every time.

It used to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Now, somehow, it makes me want to cry.

And I think, "So what, you love me."

We've already been over that.

My question now is,

How are you gonna handle that?

You give me sly glances.

And I always give what I get.

But I made a promise once,

I'd never do friends with benefits.

Lately I've been getting' this feeling.

That you're scared of something too.

Not afraid of what commitment, or even rebounding.

Something, different, or even unnamed.

But you don't really talk about it. So I won't ask again.

I tried to appreciate your view points,

Although they are frustratingly vague.

So I'm begging : a clear answer, just this once.

Give me a fucking yes or no.

All these maybes are killing me.

I think I love you.

Or did you not know?

I'm pretty sure I've said it by now.

But you're phasing out on me.

Is it still okay to love you?

If sometimes I want to hate you?

If I miss you?

If people tell me you're not good enough?

If you've left me hanging all over again?

Being alone, feels so cold sometimes.

Just being without you.

You say you still love me, you're still with me.

Well let me just say,

All of this 'love' has left me bleeding,

And my blood is bleeding blue.

For once I really hated to say,

I don't think it's all me.

It's you.


	5. Forcibly Naiive

In times of Darkness

We look for the light of our life

I thought I'd found what I was looking for.

Maybe, even something more.

Oh, yeah babe.

You lit up my life,

Like a world on fire.

I let it all go.

Your pure illumination

Has me seeing frightening things.

Time was a crazy place,

Everything slows down; to watch the world waste away.

This light showed me everything,

And I thought I never wanted to see again.

The lies and gaps revealed.

In light so bright; so cruel.

Oh, yeah babe.

You showed me everything.

It's got me seeing spots.

You seemed like the key to life's locks.

When you were away from me,

The world was shades of grey.

But when you're with me,

Colors so bright, they take my day away.

I wanna cry at the beauty of it all.

It's a case of awful culture shock.

The people I trusted most; you and them and they.

Couldn't care less as long as I'm not in their way.

I only met you yesterday.

Haven't known you a million years.

You've been like a Dyson for my tears.

It's your air, your reality.

I'm afraid, I'm alone.

And I find I'm all too comfortable.

I really was a people person,

Until I learned what people were.

It's not your fault, it's not my curse.

It's not "just life".

It's not all gonna be okay.

It's here now. Forever and a day.

It took me hours to understand,

And I'm sure there's more to see.

But thank you for showing me this,

Please don't take it personally if I never speak to you again.

Denial can be a way of life.

The cool darkness on a warm day.

You showed me things,

That only the chilling night could wash away.

If you're my oxygen supply;

Smother me lovingly.

If you're the light of my life;

Blind me kindly.

Oh, yeah baby.

Let it go.

Set it right.

Blind me kindly.

I think I'm going insane

So much light in life,

I can see for miles.

You made me lucid,

But let me sleep the pain away.

Go hide behind the mental clouds,

Come visit me….another day.

Ko Torii


	6. What is in the Rain?

What is in the Rain?

It is said that rain can cleanse.

Can depress.

Can calm.

Can welcome.

Can bring pain.

I wonder not at this inconstant ability.

But that when it leaves, does it not take these emotions back again?

How, when sadness is embraced at a stormy window,

Can it be not forgotten at the sight of a new sunny day?

Would it be fair to impose one's own wishes on the rain?

To cover your tears in its billowy curtain?

Were one to find clarity beneath the rains rhythm.

Would the mind not then be muddled in the light of day?

It is said that the greatest joys can be found in the rain.

To kiss.

To dance.

To sing.

To exclaim.

Why does the world not then spurn the sunshine?

For it must take away all the joys of harsh weather.

The world worships lazy summer days,

As it sings of rainy mornings.

It is in this knowledge we live.

The rain must bring these feelings and must also, take them back again.

Splashes in the shallow pits of emotions smear our painted lives.

But my words now can mean only little.

After all, I write as I hear the rain hit my yonder window pane.


	7. My Way

My Way

I think I can confidently say,

That I'm no longer in love with every little thing you do.

Maybe forever I will remain so incredibly fond of you.

But love has come and gone this day.

Moving forward may still be difficult for me.

My heart will, however, remain safe within me.

I own that I will miss your love, and how it could bring a smile to your face.

But with friendship that sweet smile will I still be able to see.

That girl who you look at now;

I only hope to someday befriend her.

With no jealousy or blame could I ever hate her.

To your feelings, I will bow.

Life must continue,

As it has always done before.

Here I see you may believe me still in love.

There is, in truth, only warm regard.

Circumstances gifted my love, as it was later returned to me.

Therefore with certainty I will go forward; on my own way.

I ask a simple request of you.

Never again ask of me the love I had for you before.

It is gone to the seasons,

And I have no wish to pain you with deceit.

Life must be forward.

As it has always done before.

I moved with it.

While you moved ahead, even of me.

Look back only in remembrance.

Never in longing.

I can only do the same.

Our time ended here.

Trust is something you must yourself recover,

If you wish to have it once again.

For it was you who stole it from yourself,

And from me as well.

Apologies are as unnecessary,

As they are repugnant to me.

So do me this one favor;

Never favor me again.

I can reasonably claim I have no true love for you.

For your departure I shed no watery tears.

My heart raged with fire.

It took time, and much of my will to think of you without hate.

So you see it is not in me to forget you.

However I was willing to forgive.

Simply do me this one favor.

Move on so I may live.

Do not ever claim to love me,

For it would be now cruelly done.

Laughter and a hug, could only be my response.

Love, is a state I wish to never be a part of.

My friend, my past love;

Only of you could I ask this.

Leave me be.

Be on your way.

I have no love left to spare for you.

But as that of a friend.

I fear now that if I move too far on, we shall never meet again.

I left for my own life, on my own way.


	8. My Letter to the World

Response to _My Letter to the World_ by Emily Dickenson:

This is, in essence, my imeadiate reaction to my first read through of a piece written by Emily Dickenson.

Up in heaven they now sleep,

Down in the land of men we weep.

Not for all the love's we lost,

Or the homes now but turned to dust.

But for the act of war so near,

All those living must shed a tear.

As if they have lost all respect,

For all the lands our hearts connect.

Blades clashing left and right,

Making babes and women fright.

Warriors claim a good, just cause;

Looking to use their claws.

If peace was coming the tears would stop.

The pain and sufferings' spread stop is near.

The weeping halts, all brave come here.

Put down your knives, lay down your grudges.

Bow down in this sin, and await your lawful judges.

Up in heaven they now sleep,

And down in the world of men we weep.

The reason now is quite clear.

What Reason gave us, is just fear.


	9. Forgiveness from Words

Forgiveness, From Words:

Our writer here inscribes us to speak in lovely rhyme.

To always speak so pleasantly, seems like such a crime.

If a person started speaking to you in speedy meter,

Would you think it real life or a sudden burst of theatre?

With pomp and vivid life force a meter does pump.

But to speak of life's dark moments is something worth more thought.

To rhyme at any whim each day could serve as great distraction,

But to speak with eloquence in prose shows not but great infraction?

So here we are. Minds at work, and charged to entertain.

But to speak with real sense of mind one must be sporadic as the rain.

No thoughts re-done, nor words bemused.

The lines should flow through smooth.

Words cannot speak, for they are only to be spoken.

But hats off to the prose of poetry!

You have been horribly used.


	10. My Castle of Cards

Ace of Spades

Jack of all Trades

King of Throwing Darts

Joker with a missing Heart

You sent my house of cards tumbling down

Five simple words

Blew away my world

You left me with an awful hand

The set you dealt yourself turned out okay

You better hope I never hear you planned it this way

Under the table tricks just don't suit you, at least the 'you' I knew

I give

I lost you fair and square

You won with all of the hearts in your hand

Wonder it you'll regret this triumph someday

I'm not some notch in your belt

To that, I hardly gave you the time of day

Sure life's a gamble

But as a team we weren't that lucky anyway

You rolled the die

Got us snake eyes

Constricting my heart

With you, any winnings walked away

Not sure what you stood to gain

But I'm pretty familiar with what you threw away

Hope someone turns the tables on you someday

I can't be there to help you pay the blind

You may have taken my Queen of Hearts home up your sleeve

Sure enough, I kept my morality

After all, it was never on the table

Think you're on a winning streak, do you?

How's life in the Winner's Circle

To me; now it's unfamiliar

My ranking's not new to me

First to you in everything except what counts

You're so sorry. You didn't want it to be this way

It was you who held all the cards

I didn't set off this chain reaction

I took the hit, now I'm busted and I lose

When you whipped through my life

New leaves turned, a strong wind blew through

With it went my emotional fortitude

My Castle of Cards went tumbling behind you.


	11. A Thought on Criticism

A thought on Criticism:

Let there be no names here, no dedication, if it satisfies. No classification, justification or reasoning. Fear of change or of chaos can destroy the purest of feelings. Allow your true mind to enter through, so that what is said may be accepted as it was once intended.

Any passing or deepened thoughts are welcomed for my writings, but not for me alone. I once said I welcomed all opinions, and I will not debase myself to lie in print. Therefore hold back nothing on account of perceived repercussions. Say what needs to be said and what only wants to be needed.

I cannot believe that the mind, in all of the endless capacity, could be created only to be hidden behind propriety of 'proper feeling'. So follow your instincts, if you must. Write what comes from you in earnest, not what society would have from you.


	12. My Conviction

My Conviction:

What do I think about you?

Are you sure you'd like to know?

I think you're absolutely horrible.

As you said; I hardly know you,

And I miss you more every day.

What could possibly take this pain away?

So if I have to hate you,

Just to miss you slightly less.

I'll do it. My heart can't handle all this stress.

Even now, my heart aches with this,

This indescribable need to see you.

Though to be fair, I haven't seen you in what feels like months.

Is there something that I could do,

To make it all go away?

When all I can hope for is that you'll stay?

I know exactly what you're thinking;

"This girl is totally insane!"

I'll admit I feel the same.

I want nothing more than to fall into your arms,

But it's something I can no longer do.

That's one thing that I'll really miss being with you.

I think I'm in withdrawal,

From the haze you always put me into.

I'm shaking in anticipation of just speaking with you.

So if I have to lead you astray,

To keep my heart in one piece, okay.

I'm a proud creature, I told you.

Being this weak over something simple,

This is something I simply won't go through.

This is my one conviction.

We'll test its metal,

When next I finally see you.


	13. Happy

Happy

When I said I wanted to forget

What I meant was that I wanted to change

I want to go back to life

That life which was good, kind and simple

I turn off my ipod and shut down my computer

I put in a CD, of one of my first 'favorite' songs

The ones that were happy

Not about death or heartbreak

Even when the sound is bad or skipping

I can't shake the sensation

That life was better when it was simple

Whether technology or school or relationships

Killed me in the end

I really do think that my music helps me mend.

So take out your headphones

And put down your portable games

When you're sad and feeling lonely

Don't isolate yourself

Tell me and I'll change; forget

I will help you in any way shape or form

But if you would only let others near you

You wouldn't get such scorn

Whether for protection or from sadness isolation invaded

Here is the solution you've always sought

Sit down. Breathe. Take a walk.

Do what you did when you'd just learned to speak

Think of simple things

And do not judge

Trying to be simple isn't asking very much.


	14. Endless Thank You

Endless Thank You's

The truth can be shocking,

Like a bucket of water poured over your head.

Coming out of no where,

Flying like a projectile;

Striking at your inner peace.

Oh, what one can find out at a gossip party,

Or any party for that matter.

I couldn't even react.

How do I respond to this?

Should I be enraged, brush it off and laugh?

How can I be the last one to find out,

When I was a main character in this charade?

Percussion, beating against my barriers.

I have to block it out.

All of these things are keeping me from sleep.

I know you were wrong for me

That you lied to me on occasion

That you took advantage of my kindness.

But this, this I never saw coming.

I'm still gaping and I found out yesterday.

I'm not hurt to hear you don't love me.

Belittled, yes, is the better word.

Everything was wrong; was hidden.

You made my friends keep it that way.

Any respect you think I have for you is gone.

You may never find this out.

I won't be the one to confront you.

There's no way to make sense of your logic.

So just know, that I know.

That summer wasn't just "You and Me."

These games we played with each others minds

Did our hearts play no part?

No, if they had I'd be a mess right about now.

You broke the rules on me.

Cheater. Not just with one, but with three!

Our friend never betrayed your confidence.

Her conscience just got the better of her.

To you that must be a major character flaw.

In my opinion the truth is always better though.

So I send endless thank you's to any friend who has been put in her position.

Keep his secret? Or help a close friend?

Whichever you may choose, I thank you for being that friend.

You're stronger than I could ever hope to be.

Yes he cheated on me.

But he put the guilt on your mind too.

I cannot forget that.

So I think you deserve a sea of endless thank you's.


	15. Karma

Karma:

From side to side

All the way across

You've got me smiling

I don't think I'll ever stop.

You took away everything that made me morose

Talking with you is the highlight of my day.

I can't explain this rapid turn around

So it must just be you making me this way.

We laugh at the most random things

Yet somehow it always makes sense in the end.

From hippos and elephants,

To festivals days away.

I must have amazing karma

To get to have you in my life.

I haven't even met you truly yet

Time feels like it's falling behind.

You keep me from sleeping

I never want to sleep again.

Talking to you is the world to me

Can't wait to do it again.

You always have a lovely thing to say to me.

You're charming enough to take my breath away.

I was surprised that you were real,

Not some cheap imitation of being gentile.

No. You're the real McCoy.

Right in front of me

Miles and miles away.

Why didn't we find each other years ago?

I must have amazing karma

To get to experience this.

Your happiness is infectious,

I never want to recover.

I think it's just as amazing

That I can make you smile, the way I do.

Never have I ever had someone,

No one to look at me that way.

But you, you pull it off so easily.

I've never even seen you in person.

I can hear the smiles in your voice.

Absolutely invigorating.

Prince Charming doesn't even begin to describe you.

It's not that amazing, that we're so positive.

Even after everything you and I have been through.

Because after all, something out there let me find you.


	16. Inside Whitman's Poetry

Inside Whitman's Poetry:

Repetition, lines and lists,

Are among his many gifts.

His sentences are long in length,

The ideals writ there do not lack strength.

Revisions constant, changing fast;

Examples are in 'Blades of Grass.'

Unity is sought in many,

Long on the back of any penny.

America, or the USA;

Comprised of Democracy,

That extended to the sea.

As commended as Dickinson,

With writing styles reversed.

With lines as long as the eye could see,

Whitman's writing style is free.

These are some of the things you'll see inside Whitman's poetry.

Written 3-8-06 for my English teacher; who was always willing to tell me exactly what he thought of my work and always encouraged me to do better.


	17. Ambiguity

Lack of definition.

Clarity; muddled beyond sight.

Questions linger,

Unsettled feelings fill the night.

Is this true, is it false?

If an answer is unknown can we refute it?

Is it cowardice to be this vague?

Or is it strength to live life without a mould in which we fit?

Questions left on a dead, deaf ear.

Answers left to shift and change.

Information plays with words.

Leaving ends with an unknown rage.

Yes or no.

Stay or go.

Joyful or full of sorrow.

Never anything truly bad.

Ambiguity.

Clarity shining crystal clear.

This gem is very rarely found, I fear.

The human race with minds of fore.

Attempts to turn words into stone.

Stand your ground defend yourself.

Only ambiguity could be called on to help.


	18. Can You See It?

Can You See it?

Eyes are the window to the soul.

They are the spyglass to the mind.

Across time. Across prejudice.

The mind,

The soul.

The River Styx flows.

Heaven's gates open.

Without pain.

Without joy, and everything between.

Through time, between thoughts.

Glazed, fiery and cold.

Each soul is separate; different.

Each mind is intent; conscious.

Eyes may be the window,

But to that which is utterly unknown.


	19. The Typist

The Typist:

The paper's due on Monday,

and the computer's down again.

I'm just so used to typing,

I'll just learn to write again.

-

The alphabet still lingers,

In the form of buttons and keys.

People all write differenlty,

They have their own calligraphy.

-

I type as a proffesional, now.

The computer is my life.

But as the boards short circuit,

I seem to just ignite.

-

Without an online planet,

Filled with instant information.

The heart and mind are open,

To fresh interpretation.

-

Your heart creates emotion.

Your mind puts them into words.

But your choice of communication,

Puts them in a different kind of text.

-

Words written, typed or spoken,

Are changed to fit each day.

And as it stands currently,

I wouldn't have it any other way.


	20. If I Asked You

If I Asked You:

If I were to ask you,

"What'd you do today?"

Would you reply, "Nothing."

Or simply turn away?

-

I entreat you to enlighten me,

Leave no actions as refuse.

I am eager to pursue this,

And you know I won't give in.

So you're gonna tell me everything,

Sit down and suck it up.

-

You can disagree with me,

But I think your life is worth explaining.

So I simply do not understand,

Why you're sitting there complaining.

-

Shout it down the halls,

Or whisper on the winds.

Just tell me, please! About you.

And I'll leave you evermore.

If I have to turn away from this,

I hope, for your sake, you endure.


	21. I'll Tell You

I'll Tell You:

Thou shalt hail thy savior.

Thou shalt not sin.

Bow down to your own mortality;

Truth's woeful kin.

-

Religion is taught.

Opinion may be tempered.

But emotions are sought.

The heart can rarely be rendered.

-

Twisted through minds.

Scrambled through greed.

Lives pre-decided.

Thier souls can't be freed.

-

Disillusioned and shocked.

As if what I said was wrong.

Prejudice of ages,

Where has the time gone?

-

If no one had told you,

That the sky above was blue.

Would you honestly believe me,

If I said that wasn't true?

-

Would you scoff at me saying,

That we're walking upside down?

Why is it that people let science do this?

Let it mess them around?

-

It isn't simple fact,

And I doubt the truth in miracles.

So allow me to question,

Whether the Earth, the Sun, the Stars.

Can be perfectly spherical.

-

I'm not a member,

Of the Flat Earth Society.

I doubt simply that something in nature,

Can be perfect in being.

-

Life was created in imperfections.

That's what sets us apart.

It is shunned upon to ask these things.

Unless you're heavily funded and smart.

-

If you asked me I'd tell you.

All of my doubts in terrible honesty.

I won't hold back for my own sake,

And I can't do it for yours.

-

So ask me one question.

Anything you wish.

And I will promise you something.

I'll do it, I'll tell you, I'll leave it at this.


	22. Inocencia

Inocencia:

Is innocence a state of mind?

Or thoughts of abstinence?

Or is it simple childhood;

A time without a moral fence?

-

It can be taken or offended, easily.

Yet it is valued with our pride.

Those who claim, "I'm innocent."

Can make the concept slightly snide.

-

We walk in silent contemplation.

Yet we live in a wild cacophony.

If we are a walking contradiction,

Does that make sin normalcy?

-

En la Gloria,

Ser perfecto no es necesario vivir.

Por favor, cree en mi.

-

-

-

In Heaven,

To be perfect isn't necessary to live.

Please, believe in me.


	23. The Best of the Best

Best of the Best:

Would it be wrong for me to miss you,

When it's my fault we don't talk anymore?

Would it be greedy to tell you that it's not okay that we're torn apart this way,

When it was me who didn't support you?

-

I expected to return to everything I left.

I didn't need to know what had changed.

But in time you'll see just what I meant to do.

Because I never, for one moment, meant to cause you pain.

-

Thinking clearly wasn't at the top of my list.

Truly, when all this time I thought I felt something missing.

-

It's not your affection that's left me lonely lately.

It's the words you would always say to me.

Nothing particularly striking at the time.

Now I can recognize the care in your voice.

-

I missed you horribly you know?

I missed having a best friend as wonderful as you.

Both of us ammo against the other.

Bothersome, trivial matters of conflict.

We let them overtake us.

Wasn't all me either, so don't be spreading that.

-

Seeming needy right now is something I can handle.

So just know that I need you right now and forever.

Expect my midnight phone calls, and a million running hugs in your future.

Everyday wake up knowing you're my best friend and that's not going away again.

-

Here's a newsflash!

Having me around won't be bliss, but just think of all those good times that you'd otherwise have missed.

It may not always be outwardly expressed;

In my mind we're the best of friends.

I know for a fact you agree with me.

I know it, though neither of us would admit it out loud.

-

So our other friends can call us what they want.

Snicker however loudly they'd like.

But this boy,

Better be a friendship that's never gonna be dying.


	24. So close

Before this piece I would just like to send out a personal thank you to LadySafire. For everything, really.

Decisions, decisions.

Are they plaguing you too?

Moving, changing, chasing, suffocating; me.

Can you hear it too?

-

So much resting solely on my shoulders.

To others it seems like nothing's there.

It has too.

Wishing, hoping, watching, failing; me.

-

Happy. So happy.

For just that moment in time.

Take it back, make us young again.

Crying, screaming, writhing, sleeping; me.

-

I don't want to speak in Almosts.

I hate the taste of Ifs.

Took me so long to make it here.

Stopping, thinking, resting, running; me.

-

Give it all away.

Take in everything I can.

There's only this one life here.

Short, rapid, flashing, hazy; mine.

-

Perfect.

I have everything I could need.

I have most of what I want.

Life, family, love, drama; me.

-

Decisions, decisions.

Are they plaguing you too?

I feel lost here, the options are going out of faze.

Shaking, hiding, waiting, mellow; me.

-

I think I was really happy once.

I'm never sure.

I think i was naiive once.

I have some serious doubts.

-

It sent me through a loop.

Put me in a tizzy.

Unbalanced my mind.

Still swirling, once the storm has passed.

-

I can't decide,

But I can't let this rest.

I think somewhere, down deep, lays my simple answer.

You must know.

-

Fight, flight. Fancy, life.

Multiple choice; probability.

I've always been unexceptional at math.

This life doesn't give me extra credit.

-

They're rolling in my brain.

Sloshing like the sea beneath a boat.

Vast, refreshing, unimaginable; you.

Utterly undecided; me.


	25. My Sister

You are never in the middle.

Always knowing yourself, though you wouldn't agree.

So alive, so bright.

But when you're not, you hide it from everyone.

Sometimes, though rarely, even me.

-

Living life as if you have nothing to lose.

But you do dear.

More than you could know.

Not as alone as you'd think.

You've got people who would die for you.

-

Like a small star right on Earth.

Walking around on Spring feet.

Speaking your weathered mind.

Always so aware.

Knowing me as well as I know myself.

-

A friend turned sister.

That's who you'll always be to me.

We've gone through too much by now,

To let it all just drift away.

That isn't like us at all.

-

Loud an proud.

Calculated and passionate.

If the world fell down on me today,

I have no doubts that you'd be there to dig me out.

Know that I'd do the same.

-

A million little jokes.

Nuances perfectly attuned.

Secrets, and confidence, we'd never betray.

This is the way we've been for forever.

Or at least as long as I care to remember.

-

When we were young you promised.

Promised me when school made us part ways,

That we'd never stray.

That you'd put me in your suitcase, and smuggle me in.

Though we're both older now, I'll still hold you that.

-

You're my rock.

As horribly cliche as that sounds.

Oh, we'll laugh about this gushy poem tomorrow.

But today, today it's heart felt.

Just like the love in my heart I'll always have for you.

-

Ciao dear


	26. The Big Finale

This piece is a bit of a break from my usual content, so I hope you enjoy.

Finale

Taking a moment is a heaven sent gift.

Sleep's overwhelming my limbs.

Scraps of life littered across the halls.

Deadening energy fizzles in the air.

-

Masks still caked on.

Couldn't brush it off.

Sitting. Adrenaline pumping.

-

Our honest best wasn't enough.

Only Everything caused that rolling thunder.

Victory left no bitter remembrance.

We gather to disband.

Exaltations of joy: tears of resignation.

That tangy smell of perfection lingers.

-

Over, completed, succeeded.

Braking the framework.

Religiously, the superstitions built.

Tension snaps.

Fade to black, go to blue.

End scene.


	27. It's a Long Story

Tell me a story.

A story of places; unreal.

A story that states just how you feel.

Oh please, tell me a story.

A story of a night long ago.

A story about people we don't even know.

Tell me a story.

Tell me a lie.

Tell me that my limit's the sky.

Oh please, just tell me a story.

I'll listen I promise.

I want to hear about Sleeping Beauty's first kiss.

Tell me a story.

Spin me a tale.

Tell me a story that might make me wail.

So, tell me a story.

Go from the start.

And if you're having trouble getting there, just speak from your heart.

Tell me a story,

May it be riddle or rhyme.

We only want for time.

-

I miss your voice,

Like a fish out of water.

What has happened to us?

Have you gone mute, or have I gone deaf?

Whatever went wrong, I know we are no longer speaking.

So this is my opening move.

-

Tell me a story.

About friends of two.

Tell me why they are apart.

When before they were stuck with glue.

Tell me a story,

I hope it's not blue.

Oh please, just tell me this story.

This one story, that I don't know the ending to.

I pray that it's happy.

Please tell me it's happy.

I'll listen I promise.

Go from the start.

And if you're having trouble getting there, just speak from your heart.

Tell me a story,

I've heard the beginning.

Now all we need is a denouement.

And I will pray that it's all true.  



	28. Sky Dive

Ready?

Are you ready?

You listenin' close?

I'm ready, you know I am.

But I came to let you know.

I'm here, and ready to go.

-  
My bags are packed.

Door's locked.

Mail's stopped.

Cell phone's on.

So let's get ready; set, go.

-  
Why you still stopped there, boy?

Never seen me smile before?

Well get used to it, you're in for more.

So grab your things and pop that trunk.

I'm not lettin' this end yet.

So let's get ready; set, go.

We got places to see; places to go.

-  
This isn't running off.

It's like running towards.

Towards everything we're not sure of.

I'm trying not think about it.

Just like you asked me to.

So get in this car.

Let's break some speed limits.

-  
Do you know how to sky dive?

No? Good, me neither.

That's half the fun, from what I've heard.

Have you tried barrel rafting off a waterfall?

It's illegal in some places.

Let's try it.

-  
It's not reckless if you survive.

It's only painful if you regret it.

Don't regret this,

Not anything that's made you smile.

-  
I saw that smile, I know it's there.  
-

Asked me what's always holding me back.

Was I thinking too much?

Was I regretting all this?

I could never answer you.

I still don't believe I will.

-  
I'm ready for so many things in life.

Just wasn't ready for this; for you.

-  
Difference is, I'm ready now.

Shocking. I know.

-  
So let's get ready; set, go.

We've got places to see; places to go.

When I'm ready to tell you...

Believe me.

I'll let you know.


	29. Shredded

AN: Just a side note, this one has nothing to do with me, it's just something that I felt I should write last night.

-

1,2,3.

Breathe deep, breathe low.

Gotta unlock this door.

Just need to turn my little key.

Why is this so hard?

I must not be seeing straight.

Which path that I see is real?

Which should I take?

1,2,3.

Breathe deep, breathe low.

Walking forward through the door.

Not quite sure how it got unlocked anymore.

These words aren't coming easily.

The world's taking on an ocher flavor.

Just a few more steps and I can reach that wall.

1,2..oh I'm giving up!

Can't think. How am I supposed to breathe?!

Well I'm not completely alone here.

The floor came up to meet me.

Wood's just as hard as it looks.

But at least today it's feeling friendly.

The splinters biting into my fingers are strong.

Keeping me in this waking world.

Cruel, cruel things; splinters are.

Maybe they're spiteful?

I do use them as steps everyday, after all.

They make themselves known again as I say goodbye.

Bed's sounding comforting.

If only it would stop moving.

Really. I'm serious. This has to stop.

-

Why am I here again?

Oh, that.

That I _do_ remember.

Oh gods, here it comes...

I think I may want to pass out now.

1,2...when did I take that picture?

Must have been last fall...3.

No!

I have to stay focused, keep my head in the game.

-

What went wrong?

The world's bucking like it's trying to shake me off.

It must be my fault, it has to be.

I'm not drunk, I'm not high.

So what? _What?!_

Ah! There's that splinter again.

Pulling me back.

Never liked that floor board much anyway.

Now I can't remember what I'd meant to say.

Damnation!

Oh thank Heavens!

I can see my bed from here.

Seems like traversing an ocean.

Especially with all of this ridiculous spinning.

I think I may have tripped on my own shoe.

Well the bed's here now, and everything's okay.

Creaks beneath, and whispers.

What? I have no idea, but it seemed like a pretty thing to say.

My door was locked, at least I'd like to think it was.

Well I _suppose_ I deserve this,

----I Suppose

----I Guess

----I Think

----I Believe

----I'm confused...

No, I remember.

That splinter works miracles.

-

He said it.

Those stupid, lovely words.

I cried, oh gods how I cried.

So many tears that we jumped up and spun.

It was insane, the world around us blew.

My reaction, I think, wasn't anything new.

Little whispers; mumbles, caressed me.

Saying, "Here I am. I'm here. I love you."

He wanted to marry me, too.

That young man I once knew.

-

Where is he now? I'm sure you've noticed the "once" I assume.

Well, let's keep this between that splinter, me and you.

I have absolutely no idea where he went to.

But I have this feeling.

It's somewhere kinder, somewhere happier than here.

We'll never see him again.

Gone, Taken away.

6 years ago today.

6 years and a day since he asked.

I never got to tell him my real answer.

I had no words that day, only smiles and tears.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

I would have married that man.


	30. Beyond the Wall

Build it up.

Fill it in, this space between us.

Brick, by brick.

I see less and less everyday.

Eventually I'll block the sky away.

-

Like a machine to function.

Build it up.

Block it all out, keep me in.

I refuse to see what's out there.

If a tree falls and no one's there to see it,

I will swear it didn't happen.

-

I built it up,

Just to see it torn down.

I felt invaded, explored, violated.

Why did you have to be so curious?

What lies behind these walls wasn't for you.

You looked anyway.

-

Did you expect a smile?

For all of this to simply be okay?

This calls for some serious reconstruction.

It's so hard to hide when nothing blocks the view.

So strange when people say I'm not the same person they knew.

Don't look so deep, if you don't want to see Me.

-

I may hide behind this wall, but I'm no coward.

I know the stakes, and I'm prepared for defense.

My eyes are steel.

Cold and sharpened.

Warm and protective.

Does that tell you nothing?

Can you be so blind?

I was born to this element; the Metal Horse.

Till my dying day.

So I'll build walls, twist words and evade the questioning looks.

The explanations aren't as important as the actions they're put to.

-

Brick, wire and bullet proof glass.

Hopefully no one will make it past.

I'm not some fragile doll behind these barricades.

I know what's on the outside world.

Afraid and wise are two different things.

Life isn't how stories told it to be.

-

I've seen and done tragic things.

So why,

Why would you ask this of me?

Being intrigued doesn't warrant this barrage.

Simply preserve my privacy.

Observing & understanding, is how I function.

Giving out my own information is difficult,

But I may do it.

-

So keep out of my soul.

There's nothing in it for you.

Some days I almost fear that I will never lat anyone in there.

-

No need to rescue me from my tower.

I'm not weak by any means.

Stop trying to "protect me".

You're doing some pricey damage.

These walls are ancient and reinforced.

Attempts to break them again will only make our relationship worse.

I'm not cruel, not unfair.

So why would you honestly take the energy to care?

-

I was happy. Even peaked from over the fortress wall.

Then you pulled so hard I thought I'd fall.

Give me time, give me space.

I'm a proud creature; I have to save face.

Not coming out without a fight this time.

Strengthen these defenses, get ready for a battle.

Whatever it is you're looking for, I promise you, isn't really what you need.

-

Built it up.

Brick, by brick.

My own blood, sweat and tears.

Let it go, there's nothing for you to know.

My eyes are steel,

My tongue can cut like a blade,

My heart is barred against intrusion.

I take it as an act of war,

That you continue to attack the gates of my heart.

So prepare for a battle.

Over this fortress wall.


	31. Trembles

It's cold here.

So cold on the inside,

In a way that lonely couldn't hope to describe.

-

Not jealous,

Not bitter.

I too, can appreciate the irony.

-

Backwards going,

Turning 'round.

Looping and twirling.

-

It's cold here.

Frigid beneath the dull sun.

I'm defenseless in this weather.

-

The breeze is screaming.

Don't let them hear,

Just how frightening it is.

-

It's cold here.

Move into this freezer.

The world goes languidly by.

-

Push it all out.

Like the fog made from breath.

Floating away from control.

-

Adjusting to the numbing chill.

Crack the smile more,

Lest someone notice the shivers that rack my frame.

-

Families cluster.

Laughing, shouting, loving life.

I stand in the freezing air.

-

A balmy October evening.

Never had quite a scare.

I lost feeling everywhere.

-

It's so cold here.

No longer with the light to my life.

Completing its revolution before it must depart.

-

Regressing now, can't remember where I've been.

Don't know where I am.

May never see where I will be.

-

The mind's shut down.

Cold, my heart frozen in the ice.

Won't even crack the surface.

-

It's bordering on frigid here.

But the sun should come out again soon.

Eventually, with time.

-

I hope for luke-warm weather.

Pray for dry seasons.

Can't think of warming up.

-

Not so very cold,

When the feeling doesn't come.

-

Lonely is never enough.

Depraved, decimated, abandoned, defeated.

For no better reason than happenstance.

-

I surmise it may even be my own fault.

I thrust myself into the ghoulish weather.

Staying was a part left unplanned.

-

Now I am left without.

Empty,

And so cold.


	32. Riddle

I have so many words floating through my mind.

Abounding, ricocheting through my conscience.

I can see those rejected splattered along the walls.

Think it up, toss it away.

-

Chosen so carefully.

Wasted words lost to use again.

Sparks of definition.

Against the crackle of imagination.

-

Sporadic changes.

Fluctuation of purpose.

What is the goal?

is it clear, is it perfect?

-

Cannot end this cycle.

Only when the words impact my mind.

Meaning of a thousand descending bricks.

Superfluity is sinful, repetition; adored.

-

The loom of my labors.

A mess of loose ends.

Frayed beginnings.

Tangled web woven with a map all my own.

-

No steps backwards.

I may, though, work beneath.

From every angle it must exclaim perfection.

Something bothers.

-

Unsettling and upsetting.

A turn is bent.

Deformation desecrates the piece.

I have to start again?

-

Shall I make it something beautiful?

What isn't known cannot cause trouble.

This little imperfection.

My guilty secret.

-

Loved by all.

Critics applaud.

Buyers debate.

The threads sway in activity.

-

Left, right, east, and west.

Bending; reforming, with every pass.

To interpret these words, which were so lovingly chosen.

Changing what was meant to stand aloof.

-

Words floating into my mind.

They can't compare to what was put forward.

No elaboration is needed.

Stop. Stop the genocide.

-

Heart beat flutters.

My mouth can utter no sounds.

Incoherency reigns down, rains in.

All of my work done so emphatically.

-

It hurts me deeply.

However, this is what must be done.

Twist and torture it.

Make it answerable.

-

The trick to this 'riddle',

Is quite simple to see.

Was I speaking of another, or of me?

Not a topic or purpose.

-

I have no experiences worth great mention.

Comprehend this, allow it to be.

Flow absolutely free.

The words simply are. They are...

Well quite simply put,

Me.


	33. INkBlOt

I write in pen.

I write in permanent ink.

The smooth consistency

Spilling forth my words.

The constant stain created.

No turning back now

Less time to think.

Marks of my indiscretions,

Littered across the page.

My conscience cheating my thoughts

Of all their deserved freedom.

Grammar and spelling be damned.

This is how I felt it.

Not meant to be perfectly deadpanned,

In a never ending drone.

Spending such time

So it can be merely scribbled out?

No.

These words are permanent.

Hidden beneath layers of denial.

Violent circulations of my incoherency.

If indecision allowed to fester,

My journal would mean little.

The words gone.

Replaced by mindless scribble.

-

Deny it all I can.

These words will haunt me.

If I choose to be sadistic, and lock them away.

Patches darkened.

The wet ink not allowing the dust to blow away.

So many times I look back and think,

"That cannot have been what I meant to say."

I never meant to say anything at all.

My mind was sorely discontent.

All the things I would never have stated

Brought forth into the light of day.

Looking at my handwriting, too.

It wavers from piece to piece.

Never, not ever, could typing express this.

To express my frustration, anticipation, utter confusion

At half the things I say.

This is just how it all happens.

The magic will flow this way.

So I make a waking effort

To never decipher my mind.

I would rather be left mystified by inkblots

Than told of their identity.

-

It is straining.

At times, obviously, I must fail.

Looking back at the blots splattered randomly through this book

I can see one thing or another.

Changing my direction.

Giving one turn of phrase that little bit of extra attention.

My tears have attacked these pages.

Yet, they remain in tact.

So I will forever write in pen.

Choose to never look back.

One day someone will ask,

"Look here, at this inkblot, what do you see?"

The only words to reply with,

At least for me,

"It looks like you killed a perfectly good tree, simply to confuse me."


	34. Don't Trust Me

AN: So this was from a while ago, but I being the very organized person I am...promptly lost it. So coming all the way from 10/25...here ya go.

Once upon a time,

In a land so very far away,

A young girl woke to face the day.

She rose with grace, silk sliding down in arcs.

The sun glimmered off her gossamer hair.

She rose slowly; with purpose.

Gliding on the reflections she cast.

-----

Once upon a time,

In a land worth little note or mention,

An elderly woman wedged open her aged eyes.

Joints and sinews stretching; pulling.

The pain of morning renewed.

She strings forward to begin work.

What else was there for her?

-----

The old woman had traversed darkened alleys,

Emerged into brightened boulevards.

On her way she was stopped.

A girl with the face of an angel, and a halo to match, called her out.

"Please, answer my question and I'll grant you anything you wish!"

How could one simply turn away?

-----

"Old woman, old beggar who sits by these stairs,

Would you share the wisdom from all your years?

"I will if I can child.

I may not have what you seek."

Silently the girl giggled with glee.

"Oh no! You will be perfect for me!"

So they sat and whispered.

Stories of secrets; evil and fair.

The old woman, for once, laughed without a care.

-----

"Old woman, old beggar who sits by these stairs,

You've answered all my riddles, again and again.

How can I trust you, your words or opinion?"

"You shouldn't my child."

Shocked and hurt the girl made to flee.

"My words can be twisted, they can't be well fixed.

But my heart once it has felt will always be like this."

-----

Once again with a girl then replied,

"If this is true then how must I read?

Should I accept it's a lie?"

"Oh no child! Take me at my word if you will.

But be always aware those who would cheat you are always there."

Though she did not understand what the woman had meant,

She bid her good day, and away she would have went.

-----

"Your gift old woman! What would you have?"

With a gentile smile and a laugh not her own.

The woman rose to an imposing height.

"Your promises mean little,

But your soul means your life.

So if given the choice,

I wish to be you, if only for a night."

-----

With a scream and a dive, she went at her.

Dashing in fright;

Away from her promise,

Away from her words.

Flee from the truth, you were too kind.

To trust another,

Is to put danger unto yourself.

-----

"Know your world child, and those who reside there.

For if it were not simply a lesson,

Not every old witch would be nearly as fair."


	35. Sleepless

In my dreams

I find my own face frightening.

The terrible truth

Shadowing my eyes.

The flashes of lightening

Living in my frigid glare.

Standing aloof.

Present, but hardly aware.

----

At night the faces have a name.

A name I can hardly breathe outward.

This suffocation

Darkening;shifting.

All those words.

Stated and emboldened, then rebuffed.

The truth I can't bare to see.

I will not let it have me.

----

It is said that I am sweet.

So kind, gentle; giving what is needed.

Sometimes even, selfless.

On the inside I weep with laughter.

How could I be the pinnacle of kindness?

I care for little.

Affectation, barely more than inclination.

I can't bare to let them see.

Just how little they know about my soul.

----

I'll deny until my tongue swells from lack of water.

The day I show these truths is the day I die.

With this, I plan on dying silently.

I know exactly who I am.

Someone, that the world will never see.

----

In my dreams

The things I see are frightening.

I had gone years without them.

Yet now, they return.

A vengeance I had left unequaled.

Almost afraid of sleeping.

Caffiene's a girls best firend.

I think I've become immune.

It leaves me abandoned.

----

Shapes of places

I could never begin to describe.

I'm haunting myself.

Can't make it end.

Too proud to be stupid,

Too cowardly to intake the truth.

Turn my back and leave my eyes wide open.

Unseeing, unfeeling,

And, at least lately, utterly unwilling to care.

----

Being with yourself

In a place far away.

Gives only an opening for attack.

Ensconced in the musings.

Piercing the tender walls.

Of truth and reality.

Mine are not the same.

Bring me heartache,

Bring me sorrow,

Just promise me, that I will have a sleepless tomorrow.


	36. Gone Now

I want it so fervently.

I honestly crave this.

Sometimes I can feel my legs failing,

Just before I start to tumble down.

--

So far down.

Past the dark,

To the brightest pitch.

Dark, Dark, Down.

--

I miss it so completely.

I earnestly require this.

There's only so far I can go,

Before I start to collapse.

--

No more than what I've had before.

Nothing of type extraordinaire.

My insides twist and turn.

I feel so utterly unbalanced.

--

I've hit an edge.

I've found the blockade.

Building up the pressure like a dam.

Just wait until I burst, the water tumbling down my face.

--

So far down.

Past the dark,

To the brightest pitch.

Dark, Dark, Down.

--

Such a common case.

See it all,

Envy what i know;

What I could've had.

--

Rock back, rock forth.

Hanging outside my reach.

Beyond my arms,

But within my vision.

--

Temptation so cruel.

No where strong enough.

Not against my soul.

It just can't break through.

--

So far down.

Past the dark,

To the brightest pitch.

Dark, Dark, Down.

--

Sometimes I'm still normal inside.

I feel empty then too.

Missing what I've been craving;

Missing the craving all the same.

--

Funny ow valuable life appears,

When it all hangs on a decision.

Pain, or happiness.

Flashing through your eyes.

--

No, just have to let it go.

It's unavailable, I know.

No, just have to let it go.

It's unavailable, I know.

--

I can't jump this wall,

Take a step past this cliff.

Oh I want to so badly,

But I know it can only be No.


	37. Go on Home

Ok so this is in ballad format; the real deal too, not just song-ish. It's about a bomb threat that recently and truly happened at my school.   


Go On Home

The teachers did not know where to go.

What has happened to fire drills now?

Where are we supposed to go, do you know?

What has happened to fire drills now?

----

We banned together in groups of friends.

If not friends, on whom do we depend?

We got comfortable by the end.

If not friends, on whom do we depend?

----

Crammed into gyms like in sardine tins.

What are we supposed to eat now?

Food's going fast as Olympic wins.

What are we supposed to eat now?

----

Two hours passed and finally some news came.

Who has done this to our school?

A short phone call and we're all acting insane.

Who has done this to our school?

----

Four hours gone, we start to get antsy.

When can we leave here; go on home?

One o'clock and there's no reprieve we can see.

When can we leave here; go on home?


	38. Beneath Time

For nights upon a lunar spread,

Flow smooth down paths, through turbulence, of time.

Time is spilling across where we have tread.

To start and end in abyss of brine.

-

Each sitting at this table can crush lives.

Striv'd to retain the life force of what's gone.

Devil's chess cannot be won, but we strive;

Playing battles of the wolf against the fawn.

-

Pouring through the maze of what's right, and what's lost.

I have let my time go, as is deserved.

Light filters through bars of my life's cost.

My path through time has been forever curved.

-

I have this sinking feeling it will fade.

With these crimes, my buoyancy is betrayed.

* * *

Oh yeah, I wrote a poem in Sonnet format. I'm trying some new things, hope you like them. :) If you can figure out what's really happening in this I will owe you a cookie. 

Ko Torii


	39. Paradox in Question

To be, or not to be.  
That's the age old question.  
Well, be that as it may  
The question lacks of great intention.

Doubt, or circumstances  
Questions, or accusations  
Throughout time a lack of truth  
Has brought faiths penetration.

Perhaps belief, trust, or random thought  
Are to be denied.  
A great old poet did once say,  
"Truth has finally died."

Shakespeare killed his Romeo.  
The Lover killed herself.  
Under the throws of misunderstanding  
These calamities were bent.

To be, or not to be.  
Believe, or don't believe.  
It is a simple choice each day;  
To be safe, or to be free. 


	40. Southbound off of 95

AN: So this is a short poem I wrote while on a road trip to Florida. 8/11/07

* * *

..X.x.X.. Envision a long, straight road that you cannot see the end of. Got it? Okay, now picture it surrounded by southern pines. The road is stuffed with bumper to bumper traffic parked on the tarmac. It is so warm that the withered grass on the side of the road has spontaneously combusted in places. The air is humid and smells like a bitter pine fire, there are even a few sirens off in the distance but they can't get through the traffic either. You are crammed into the back of a small car with all of your belongings, without radio or air conditioning; aware only of your harsh environment. Now hold onto these feelings, embrace them, and then move beyond them. That is where you will appreciate this piece.

..X.x.X..

Once upon a time there was a place in the world; a place where dreams weren't pushed away. Slowly, bitter envy ate it tragically away.

Not everyone could live in a perfect world. After all, what's perfect for me isn't perfect for you. The people became vicious and attacked at once.

The few left alive were left warped and void of all that was once good in the tainted, perfect world. It's just dislike and distrust to date.

Who were these poor souls who found themselves so alone in the world? The answer is simple, you see. They became all of the doubts in you, and in me.

..X.x.X..

..X.x.X.. Doesn't make sense yet does it? Well one day it might but I wouldn't recommend pushing toward it. If you can already understand it, then I'm sorry. Sorry that you, too, have accepted what reality does to people.


	41. Together We'll Be

AN: Just as a side note about this poem; I ended up editing it down to a baser format and then collaging it with a picture of me and my very best friend for her 18th bday/ graduation present. She liked it so much that she got all teary and wouldn't stop hugging me for a good 5 minutes. So although it may sound harsh, please understand that it is what my friends and I are really like and is highly emotionally charged.

* * *

Sometimes I Hate you,

But I never hang up without "I love you."

Sometimes I'm so frustrated with you,

But I can never let you go it alone.

I live ot tease you.

I live to laugh at you, with you and for you.

-

Never once have I stopped you,

From what you thought was right.

And never have I lied,

Except to see you smile.

I wouldn't be half so personable,

Without all of you.

-

Somewhere there;

Beneath all the bows and whistles,

Behind murmured jokes and reminders,

There's a family there.

Although it's said to be as bad as water and electricity when upset,

We always come home wanting the other to be there.

-

Everybody changes; grows.

We've grown together.

At times even apart.

Here in the few years I've known you,

We've never parted ways.

-

Don't ask me to forgive you if we lose touch.

Don't expect me to mourn your apathy either.

Expect that we'll be how we are; who we are.

Until we both say otherwise.

-

We bicker, we fight, we joke, we laugh, we cry, we gossip and we yell.

Known by all of our friends as a family, not by blood or any other means.

But by sheer stubbornness.

Close like white on rice.

-

You'd give that up for pride?

We're all so proud now a days.

Not as humble as in youth.

Leave, go on, but don't forget.

There will always be a home for us together.

-

Beneath everything,

There is no harmony,

But there is always a family.


	42. The Tie Die Kid

Hello,

Fancy seeing you here luv.

Haven't seen you in ages.

How's the family, how's life?

Anyone new around you, anything interesting going on?

That's great to hear.

It was nice seeing you.

Always a pleasure.

We should do this again sometime,

But of course we never will.

Same time, same place; different year.

-

You bastard.

I was constant, I was so sure.

I love him.

Stop!

Barge in with your cowboy hat;

Not a thought in your brain.

This twist in my lungs.

This burn in my soul,

That's for you.

So nonplussed as always.

Nonchalant and humming a tune.

-

It will still be a surprise to my friends.

Even though they know about you in a sort of round-about way.

I mentioned you once or twice; nothing important.

They won't notice anything out of the ordinary on Monday.

I'll be mellow, per usual.

Just a little out of the way.

What can I say? I'm not so easy to read.

But the one person who shouldn't have to notice.

The one who shouldn't have to be suspicious or worried.

The one who I said, "I love you," to.

He will see it, and he won't know why.

-

I love him.

I swear it.

I feel it.

I know it.

But the moment I see you…

Why does that seem to be cloudy in my mind again?

How could you make me so unclear about the only stable part of my life?

What makes me so drawn to you in every way?

I hate this.

I could almost hate you for it.

But I admit know you're not to blame.

-

I can't get over it though.

I first talked to you, to get me over something else.

Now you've got me hooked on you like morphine.

The eyes of a man like you.

Make a girl like me melt in a few seconds.

"Why hello," were the first words I've had from you in months.

Somehow, it doesn't seem so odd.

A hold so loose it's deceptively binding.

I can't just slip my heart out.

This feeling won't go away so easily.

Please, please let me let it go.

-

When I first talked to you

You seemed like the man of my dreams.

The dreams that I always knew weren't real.

You're so real, though.

So horribly close to my life.

Then a moment later you've gone back to playing my ghost.

A ghost in a tie-die suit with a goofy smile.

I'm sure you're online just being the lazy guy that you are.

So open with everything you never thought to care for.

Just as you always were.

No…as you always will be.

-

So I'll see you see you next year.

Celebrating the birth of our dear friend.

The one whom I may never forgive,

Yet never blame.

For introducing me to you.

Fancy seeing you here.

Haven't seen you in ages.

How's the family, how's it going?

Anyone new in your life?

That's something I can't bare to hear.

It was nice seeing you, however painful.

-

I love him.

I don't know if I could live without him.

But gods if I don't miss you.

You; that I never had the chance to want, to have, to hold.


	43. Calico

Calico-- Featured in Ch2 of "We Would If We Could."

I may, in fact, end up recording this one because it is literally stuck in my head. So it's actually a song...not a poem.

* * *

There are times when I feel so hollow.

I know there are times when life's hard to swallow.

So I pull up a chair,

Out in the middle of no where,

And I wallow.

Deep in my soul I feel so hollow.

-

Something's left me empty.

Or possibly someone, it don't matter to me.

So I feel around in life like I'm blind,

And I can just find your face; oh so kind.

It sits strangely

Almost as if it's not meant to be.

-

So I pull up a chair,

Out in the middle of no where,

And I wallow.

-

I'm missing something needed;

A source of compassion, if I'm to be candid.

So I went out: I went out shoppin',

And when I came back I'd a cute lil' kitten.

The seeds of tender care had been planted.

All the soul I had left had almost decanted.

-

But happiness flies fast.

Just a few moments, how could they last?

So I sit in my sad, little chair.

The only difference is now there's a cat there.

On occasion I sit there aghast,

'Cause it sits there 'till mornin' and then moves past.

-

So I'm sittin' in this little chair,

With a small fleece blanket pulled all up to there,

And I feel less hollow.

Does it matter, or help, at all that I wallow?

Or will it hurt me?

Or will it call me out?

-

There's nothin' wrong with me.

It's a problem with life expectancy.

Seems so long…so far

….

So unnecess'ry.

-

What can a little wooden girl do?

How can I function without you?

Now I feel so hollow inside.

I'm sitting here; willing to suck up my pride.

Just to miss you.

Only if to see that my fears are true.

-

So I pull up a chair,

Out in the middle of nowhere,

And I wallow.

….

Hoping you'll follow.


	44. It's Worth It

Sometimes life seems far away,

Like no one's there to see you.

Everything is blurred and grayed,

And you can't find anything to cling to.

-

But always try just once more.

Always open that door.

Always, always be looking for more.

-

Days fly by and years may pass,

But the world is never over.

The vague lights may be spinning out,

But they'll be always watching over.

-

So always try just once more.

Always be looking for more.

Never, never try closing that door.

-

People make up stories,

To make this life seem greater.

But what they cannot realize,

Is they're missing its real flavor.

-

Life isn't always perfect.

Life isn't always fair.

It can seem a little bitter,

When they're all floating up in nowhere.

-

So don't just wait.

Don't just blend.

Go out there,

Go find it,

Go make your happy end.

-

So when you zone out from this life,

When life just seems not worth living.

Look a little harder here,

And you'll find something worth seeing.

Worth doing,

Worth having,

Worth being,

Worth trying,

Worth loving.

-

Always, always be looking for more.

Because the world is never over.


End file.
